15 things I wished I had known BEFORE I went to University
- That it didn’t matter how late my first lecture was, I’d still sleep through it.
- That I could change so much and barely realize it.
- That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways.
- No matter how ‘cool’ you were in school, no one here cares.
- That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up.
- That every clock on campus shows a different time.
- That if you got good a-levels, so what? It doesn’t matter here.
- That I would go to a party the night before an exam or essay due-date.
- That you can know everything and fail a test or know nothing and ace a test.
- That I could get used to almost anything found out about my friends.
- That most of my education would be obtained outside of lectures.
- That friendship is more than getting drunk together.
- That Sunday is a figment of the world’s imagination.
- That Psychology is really Biology, that Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Maths.
- That it’s possible to be alone even when you are surrounded by friends.
What is the most useful material in the world? There are many answers to that question. Some may say, gold, other may say silcon and so on. The real answer is duct tape As a first year uni student in halls without a job I am extremely poor. So when going off to uni I had to think of things that I needed and would be useful. I got lots of things, but the most useful has turned out to be duct tape. It is amazing the place that this stuff can be used. It seems like I am using it every other day now.
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It may a little late to be thinking about sure things but it is important to have goals for the year. Instead of just one, I am trying to write a list of 15 things I must try and do throughout the year. So here we go;
- Complete the making of new site, called Computingcorner and keep it updated.
- Keep in touch with my friends more, by signing on MSN, making phone calls and joining social networks.
- Pass my first year at university
- Read more books, something that I have already been doing.
- Go to the gym at least once a week
- Start to learn to drive, something I have been putting off since I turned 17.
- Be more daring, if I want to something just go for it.
- Meet more people and make more friends
- Go on holiday with friends and have a great time
- Learn to cook
- Complete Grand theft auto 3 PC
- Get at least 7 hours of sleep a day and get to sleep by 12.30pm
- Eat less chocolate
- Keep my room as tidy as possible
- Get a decent haircut.
I really hope that I manage to do all of these, I will write a follow up in a years time. Happy new year everyone.
As a student of portsmouth uni, I am asked to many different weird things. The other day I was asked to write, in a technical style, how to do I simple task of my choosing. To stop people completely going off on one for 20 pages, we were limited to 250 to 500 words. The idea was to be about to write, in a style, that is state forward and understandable, but not to waffle on for pages and pages. Understandable task. Many other people in my group, did things like installing a network card or changing oil in your car, stuff like that. I decided to go a different direction. So here it is, the final version, of my very silly assignment. Oh god, what have I done!
I wonder what mark I will get….
How to make the perfect toasted peanut butter sandwich
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I’d rather
- I’d rather have my nipples chewed off by a pack of wild dogs.
- I’d rather suck the snot out of a gorilla’s nose until the back of his head caves in.
- I’d rather wipe my ass with a cheese grater.
- I’d rather slide down a barbed wire banister into a bucket of alcohol.
- I’d rather drink a gallon of turpentine and piss on a forest fire.
- I’d rather suck cow snot through a straw.
- I’d rather shave my poison ivy covered legs with a dull barber’s razor and no water or soap.
- I’d rather French kiss a barracuda.
- I’d rather poke a Rottweiler in the arse with a short stick.
- I’d rather drink for a week from the septic tank of the 25-stone man next door.
- I’d rather wipe my anus with barbed wire.
- I’d rather be tied to a chair and forced to listen to Barry Manilow tunes while having my tonsils removed with a rusty spoon.
- I’d rather have the ten strongest 18-stone Rugby players play tug of war with my nut sack each side of 5 pulling a separate nut in a different direction.
I would rather
- I would rather stick my genitals in a bee’s nest.
- I would rather have a porcupine inserted violently into my rectum.
- I would rather sandpaper a wildcat’s ass.
- I would rather spend ten hours getting a tattoo on my back and then find out it’s the wrong one.
- I would rather try to open a beer bottle with my sphincter– and not a twist off either.
