Spacedmonkey

A 98-year-old American woman wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times… but you could just imagine this being published in the London Times also….

Dear Sir:

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.

By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’ must have elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Social Security check, an arrangement that, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.

You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways.

I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity that your bank has become.

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Where the ideas for the first harry potter came from, become near in this shocking note. This is so funny and true

I found these facts on office-humour.co.uk, not sure that all of them are true but what if they were. Enjoy the 99th post.

13 people each year are killed by Vending Machine’s falling on them.

More than 50% of the people in the world have never made or received a telephone call.

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

If one places a tiny amount of liquor on a scorpion, it will instantly go mad and sting itself to death.

Donald Duck comics were banned from Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.

Each card in a deck represents a king from history: Spades- King David, Hearts- Charlemagne, Clubs-Alexander the Great, Diamonds- Julius Caesar

There are about 75 million horses in the world.

Halloween was created to scare away the bad spirits and demons that could possess people. People would go out at night and cause havok in the streets.

If you attempted to count to stars in a galaxy at a rate of one every second it would take around 3,000 years to count them all.

The sloth (a mammal) moves so slowly that green algae can grow undisturbed on its fur!

Attila the Hun died in 453 on the night of his marriage to Ilidico, he is thought to have been poisoned.

The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.

Aztec emperor Montezuma had a nephew, Cuitlahac, whose name meant “plenty of excrement.”

By raising your legs slowly and lying on your back, you can’t sink in quicksand.

About 3000 years ago, most Egyptians died by the time they were 30.

Queen Victoria eased the discomfort of her menstrual cramps by having her doctor supply her with marijuana.

Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products.

The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30ft.

The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds!

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

Most People use over 16,000 gallons of water in their lifetimes, or 2.5 quarts per day.

The oldest known goldfish lived to 41 years of age. Its name was Fred.

Males, on average, think about sex every 7 seconds.

The Titanic had only 20 life boats.

A peanut isn’t a nut it is a legume. A peanut is a member of the pea family.

The average person has a vocabulary of 5000-6000 words.

The umbrella originated in Mesopotamia in 1400 B.C. It was used for shade. The word umbrella is derived from the Latin word for a shade, umbra.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented scissors.

The only product to be promoted by Elvis Presley was donuts. The commercial was for Southern Made Donuts and aired in 1954.

In Michigan, it is illegal to chain an alligator to a fire hydrant.

Florida is larger than England.

A Giraffe is about 6 feet tall at birth and weights about 150 pounds.

The first TV was demonstrated in 1928 and it the screen was 3 inches by 4 inches.

In Czechoslovakia, there is a church that has a chandelier made out of human bones.

The collecting of beer mats (coasters) is called tegestology.

It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

Like fingerprints,everyone’s tongue print is different.

23% of all photocopier faults worldwide are caused by people sitting on them and photocopying their butts.

Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

I news paper clipping of a story in America. If this is true, which I think it is, it is one of the funniest things ever.

These are extracts from actual letters sent to New Jersey council and Housing associations written by some bhais & bens:

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

3. And their 18-year-old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

4. I wish to report that the tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was that bad wind the other night that blew them off.

5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

6. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path, my wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant?

7. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy.

8. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

9. Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny color and not fit to drink.

10. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

11. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every morning at 6:00 am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me.

12. The man next door has a large erection in the garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

13. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two small children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

14. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat andwould you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night.

15. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

Hey, I am Jonathan Harris the administrator of spacedmonkey.co.uk. I am about to go off to univerisity for a while. I am studying Computer Network Management And Design at Portsmouth. As you might guess, I am very busy getting ready to moving to uni, so I haven’t had much time to post lately. I haven’t really written anything meaningful since 17th of September.

So what is the plan?

Well, for the next couple of weeks, I don’t think that I am going to be posting never much as I will be very busy. What about after that then?

Uni blog

Well, taking the idea that many people that are going off to uni have had, I am start blogging about my day to day life at an undergrad. I don’t think it is the right place to do that on this, It simply would not fit in with the style of the site other post. I may site up another site or use a sub-domain, like uniblog.spacedmonkey.co.uk. I will try and write down my experiences and I may upload them to the internet at some point. Watch this space.

Computingconrer

When I was buying Jonathandavidharris.co.uk and Joanthanharris.me.uk I did some research into other domains. I looked into other domains, like spacedmonkey.com and .net. But I like my current domain so decided against them. But I did invest in Computingcorner.co.uk domain. It is currently a holding page, but I hope to delevop it. As I am studying computing, I will be doing some program writting, I will upload these programs (if useful to others) to this site.

Spacedmonkey

As for the future of this site, I will try my hardest to keep posting, I think if I do the post’s will be longer and have some use. If I will keep posting, Computing blogs and the stuff blogs on the same site is another question. It seems like a very odd mix both sets of blogs up like they are. It lots of work to admin more than one site. The future of the site depends on what happens in the next couple of months.

Watch this space!!!